Why I need grace!!

Today I was listening to NPR. Don't judge me lol. I sometimes get tired of listening to the "noise" of music or the ranting of political radio jockeys. This morning an author was being interviewed about a new book. Well the subject just happened to be about a man deciding to have two families, and of course keeping them a secret from the others. Actually one daughter knew and one did not. But it brought up a painful memory of my past. Finding out that I in fact have a little sister resulting from an affair. I started to remember the horrible night it all came out. And then I started to think of how this little girl that I have only meet I believe 3 times will grow up to feel. So many emotions started creeping up inside some that I am still trying to deal with right now. It is one of those things that thankfully I don't obsessively think about daily, but it does pop up every once in awhile. Bam all those feelings come up again. The interview was very enlightening and really just helped me to see things anew. It also brought up the fact that when someone makes this unethical decision there is usually someone who knows, and then is faced with the dilenma of how now do I go about living my life knowing I have another "secret" granddaughter, niece, cousin etc. I started to think about how that had affected my family. Right now I can say that I truly don't know what I would do if faced with this "side" of the story. I come from the side of being the daughter whose life was completely torn apart. So its hard to see any other side. I'm writing this mainly to get this off my chest. It's a very very hard thing to digest, and still to this day there are so many results yet unwalked. I write this not to point the finger at anyone in my life or to say how could you or why, but it is really just to help me walk through whats going on in my mind after hearing this story. Hopefully everytime something like this happens or someone brings it up I am a little bit stronger that God has healed me more than the time before. A friend reminded me that He is in control, and he has a redemptive plan for everything. I know my family will be restored in whatever way God sees as best. Not what I think should happen. I want to walk in freedom knowing this "secret" will not be my future either as the enemy likes to make you think. Thanks for listening. I know this is much different than the other two posts.

2 weeks left

I haven't written in awhile, but have been inspired by reading other blogs tonight. So school has only 2 weeks left. I will be done with my first semester of School of Worship and Technical Arts. I will not be returning in the fall because I will be having my 3rd baby in September or October. I'm hoping for September lol. I am really really glad I had the opportunity to go this semester. It really has changed my life! We are ending the semester with our Leadership module. All I can say is man I must have been ignoring a lot of scriptures all these years. Have you read what it really says about leaders, how God really wants us to act around them? Well until today I thought that everything could be summed up with the word justice. If it is unjust you can defend yourself or retaliate. Boy was I wrong. All I'm learning is humility and submission!
We had a great speaker also who came and taught us about family and ministry. Again wow!!! I wish everyone here and all over the world entering ministry and want or have a family could hear this message. It was so powerful, and deep in Gods truth. God values our families and he wants people who live to make his kingdom come here on earth to experience power in every area of their lives. He wants us to reach the lost and bring healing to this earth, but not at the expense of our spouses or children. Man all I can say is Nick and I really have a lot to think about before we go into ministry for sure!!
This whole semester has changed my heart and really brought healing and revelation in areas that really needed it. If you are considering getting further training in worship ministry I HIGHLY recommend coming out to CFNI and the School of Worship. It will challenge you in more ways than just music. I hope to blog more as school will be over and I will be home more. Maybe that means I'll be more busy lol. Well good night, and God bless!!!

Stephie poo (LOL)

Rediscovering YOUth

So this is my first blog. Hi!! I am currently typing while all the house is fast asleep. :) If your a mom you know what bliss that is. So right now I am in School of Worship here at Christ for the Nations. This last week we had to do something called "Brain Dumping". Let me just say I was petrefied. Ahh, we are assigned to write 10 song ideas. Song ideas that will turn into 5 actual songs. Again, ahhh!! I haven't ever really written a song. I remember during times of prayer getting song melodies, but not a whole song. So anyway I digress lol. Our first idea was our "perfect day". I knew right away where my perfect day would be. So "brain dumping" just means writing everything thats in your head at the moment. So with the idea of the beach, I went from there. It was like amazing. Something just opened up and all these words came fluttering out. It was almost cathartic. So now here I am blogging. Who knows what will happen next lol! All I know is something I loved way back when I was a kid has been reopened  rediscovered and I like it. A lot. I hope that this will bless you as much as it is blessing me to get my thoughts out, and even sometimes my distresses, complaints, and so on. Let me know what you think. :)