Why I need grace!!

Today I was listening to NPR. Don't judge me lol. I sometimes get tired of listening to the "noise" of music or the ranting of political radio jockeys. This morning an author was being interviewed about a new book. Well the subject just happened to be about a man deciding to have two families, and of course keeping them a secret from the others. Actually one daughter knew and one did not. But it brought up a painful memory of my past. Finding out that I in fact have a little sister resulting from an affair. I started to remember the horrible night it all came out. And then I started to think of how this little girl that I have only meet I believe 3 times will grow up to feel. So many emotions started creeping up inside some that I am still trying to deal with right now. It is one of those things that thankfully I don't obsessively think about daily, but it does pop up every once in awhile. Bam all those feelings come up again. The interview was very enlightening and really just helped me to see things anew. It also brought up the fact that when someone makes this unethical decision there is usually someone who knows, and then is faced with the dilenma of how now do I go about living my life knowing I have another "secret" granddaughter, niece, cousin etc. I started to think about how that had affected my family. Right now I can say that I truly don't know what I would do if faced with this "side" of the story. I come from the side of being the daughter whose life was completely torn apart. So its hard to see any other side. I'm writing this mainly to get this off my chest. It's a very very hard thing to digest, and still to this day there are so many results yet unwalked. I write this not to point the finger at anyone in my life or to say how could you or why, but it is really just to help me walk through whats going on in my mind after hearing this story. Hopefully everytime something like this happens or someone brings it up I am a little bit stronger that God has healed me more than the time before. A friend reminded me that He is in control, and he has a redemptive plan for everything. I know my family will be restored in whatever way God sees as best. Not what I think should happen. I want to walk in freedom knowing this "secret" will not be my future either as the enemy likes to make you think. Thanks for listening. I know this is much different than the other two posts.